When a baby is born, that brand new life changes the lives of all those who are a part of the family. The parents, the grandparents, the siblings and even family friends - everyone changes in ways they may never have expected.

Usually, the new life is anticipated with an expectation of joy. Some if it is joy. First words and steps are joy. Sleepless nights are not joy. Watching the little one learn to walk is joy. Teaching her to drive will most likely not be joyous. It might even be downright frightening.

When a death takes a life from our circle, the same thing happens. Everyone attached to that life changes. Often in ways they never expected. Each person will experience grief in their own way and on their own timeline. There will be sadness. Some things will return to normal, but not everything. When a life is lost from a family circle, just as when a new life enters the circle, nothing is ever just exactly the same. There will be joy. It will not all be joy. And some of life moving forward might be downright frightening.

Grief is a journey. It doesn’t just end. The goal is not to forget. It is to weave your memories into your future. That does not come without work, and it is not always easy. It’s also not always hard. There will be joy. There will be learning new skill. There will be discovering new talents. There will be letting go and letting in. 

If “normal” means to you just as it was before the one you loved died, you are likely to be disappointed. If it means feeling at peace and experiencing joy and love, albeit in a little different way, you will look for it and work at it, and you will find your new normal.

In the words of the Jimmy Buffet song … Some of it’s magic, some of it’s tragic but you’ll have a good life along the way.

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